busy busy BUSY

(another post written a few weeks ago. I want to post pics with every post but need to just post these because they sit in my edit box for too long) Wow it's been a while. I feel like I say that everytime I log on. Obviously my weekly goal has not been kept. Alot has happened as always.
Hurley has had his 6 month checkup and is still only in the 5th percentile for his weight. I had to take him back to the Dr. a few weeks ago for a follow up to make sure that he was gaining more weight. I've changed up his diet and he's eating 3 meals a day plus nursing every 2 or 3 hours - depending on his mood. Just this past Friday I noticed his bottom left tooth is trying to break through. His 1st one! FINALLY! Trust me I personally haven't been complaining but it's getting to be time. Last post I said Buzz was starting work in Vernal. Well, that time has come and gone. It went by fairly quick. He's now working in Richfield though. Ugh! But I am grateful for the work. Hopefully once this job is done they will be home for a little while. Now for the bad news:
Many of you know that my dad has been fighting a tough battle with cancer for the last 2 1/2 almost years. We found out 4 weeks ago tomorrow that his oncologist gave him 2-3 months left of life. No more chemo - nothing will stop it now. I've personally had a strange feeling since November (when we found out that the cancer was in his lungs) that it wasn't going to be much longer. But how do you tell others and destroy what little hope there is? I couldn't. So of course I turn to my bestest friend in the whole world, the ONLY person in my life that I can ALWAYS tell anything and everything to - Buzz. We've talked and talked and talked about knowing the end was coming alot sooner than we wanted it to but what do you do about it? It was never easy to talk about but I knew that I needed to and even after talking about it and knowing in the back of my head what was coming, the 2-3 month diagnosis still slapped me across face. I can't remember a time when I've cried so much! I feel so bad for my mom. I couldn't imagine life without Buzz! And for my little sister Melody and all the milestones that my dad won't be there in person for. But it's like my friend CaSondra said, there's always gonna be that "I wish he was here for this" no matter what. This diagnosis has sent my anxiety into hyperdrive and I feel like I can hardly control myself. I've been fighting with a little bit of anxiety for about 4 or 5 years now, but nothing like this. The clock has become my enemy and I can only hope that once everything is said and done I can be somewhat back to normal. Gia has been amazing with the daycare. I've had to cut my hours because of my anxiety and her and Tim have been nothing but GREAT! Like I said the clock is my enemy and everyday around 10 o'clock I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. I try not to think about it but man it's hard. I can't take my anxiety meds because I'm nursing Hurley and that and the pill I take to keep my milk supply up conflict so this has been somewhat of a tough battle. I'm not trying to put the focus on myself so enought about my problems. My poor dad. I can't possibly imagine what it's like to sit and wait to die - and especially in pain. I know that we're all dying in a way, but to know it's that soon and to just wait for it. And the pain..... All I can think about is my poor dad and how much I am going to miss him. My dad is the foundation of our family but I know that he will be with us always and no matter how hard this is, I know that our family will become even stronger than we already are! We've already began to bond in a way that I never imagined possible. I try to spend all the time I can with my dad and I feel bad neglecting my house and my responsibilities as a wife, but I know that this is just temporary. I keep saying it over and over again in my head, but I love my dad so much and I don't know how I'm going to get through this. But like I said, we have a strong family and we will all get through this together - like we have everything else. I love my family so very much and I hope they know they all have their special places in my heart and this will be a long hard journey but we are Halona's! And Buzz. My one and only bestest friend in the world will be that boulder I will need more than anyone and I know that he will be there just as much if not more as the rest of my family will be.